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Post by Muddy Funkster on Jul 4, 2007 22:23:16 GMT
LOL Lots - Last year they were some very funny noises coming from their tent!
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Post by nerys on Jul 4, 2007 22:34:14 GMT
I bet there was  |
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Post by jason (mitsubishi L200) on Jul 7, 2007 0:57:00 GMT
any more jokes??
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Post by spiv/chav on Jul 7, 2007 1:47:41 GMT
Nah............But I am pleased I was the person who sent the prawn joke to Simon ;D Maybe I wasn't the first person to send it to him exactly he prob trawled ( ;D) the net ( ;D)) for ages for that one!! Was my joke tho. I will let you all know if I feel another funny line coming up  |
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Post by bushboy on Jul 7, 2007 23:23:53 GMT
From my dad back in Oz
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
bushboy
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Post by bushboy on Jul 7, 2007 23:28:07 GMT
A Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He buys a small piece of land near Swan Hill.
A few days after moving in the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region, so he goes next door, but on his way up the drive-way, he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the cow's bum.
The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says "Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass, and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's bum, it could just about nuts on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says "Sorry sir, you not understand, these not Chinese customs I doing, these Australian customs."
"What do you mean mate" says the Aussie, "Those aren't Australian customs."
" Yes they are", replied the Chinese man, " so me become true Australian, I must chase chicks, drink wee wee, and listen to bull-nuts."
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ben
Full Member
Posts: 226
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Post by ben on Jul 7, 2007 23:39:14 GMT
Hiya Bushboy You forgot a bit. The husband says to the weighter "and you forgot the flied lice" The weighter says "it is fried rice you plick" Ben |
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Post by terryrob on Jul 8, 2007 8:57:41 GMT
A man goes into a chinese restaurant, as the waiter approaches he asks.
Are you Wan King the Waiter.
The waiter replies, no, I'm Fuc King the chef. ;D
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Post by nerys on Jul 8, 2007 10:01:42 GMT
love the jokes  I will post some more soon feeling very hungover today  |
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Post by jason (mitsubishi L200) on Jul 8, 2007 19:05:34 GMT
very good terry rob,,, are you up for the photo shoot buddy and a club meet some where?? we need to know where bouts you are??  |
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Post by nerys on Jul 10, 2007 8:58:14 GMT
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
"We just love the chocolate around them." ;D ;D ;D
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Post by nerys on Jul 10, 2007 11:54:51 GMT
Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet. The nun who is driving says to the other,'Quick! show him your cross.' So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts,' Get off our f- cking car.' |
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Post by 6lolabunny9 on Jul 10, 2007 11:55:57 GMT
lmao i love that one
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ben
Full Member
Posts: 226
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Post by ben on Jul 10, 2007 23:17:05 GMT
Two nun's cycling down a cobbled street one says I have never come this way before the other says yes nice isn't it.
Ben
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Post by deejayharry on Jul 12, 2007 16:11:37 GMT
A guy walks into his local council to apply for a job:
The interviewer asks him, " Have you been in the services?"
"Yes," he says. "I was in the armed forces for three years"
The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward
employment here" and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes, 100%. A mortar round exploded near me during the Falkland's War and it blew my testicles clean off."
The interviewer, clearly impressed, tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M. "
The guy is slightly puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M to 4:00 P.M., then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a Local Authority job", the interviewer says, "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls - No point in you coming in for that!"
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